Hailey's POV:
I looked at Noah's sleeping form and thought my poor baby worn-out
himself today by playing all day with his father and new gifts. I put
the blanket over Noah and slipped out from the bed to go downstairs.
When I arrived in the lounge I found it empty.
Hum... I wonder did Chase go?.
I looked outside from the window and realized that it's snowing. The
view of mountain covered in white snowflakes was mesmerizing.
I turned back and went to sit on the carpeted floor near fireplace.
I was staring at orange/ yellow flames of the burning woods in the
fireplace when the door opened.
I turned around and saw Chase rubbing his hand to warm them. He was
wearing thick muffler around his neck and black long coat. His head
was covered in numerous snowflakes and his cheeks were rosy due to
cold.
He looked so cute and oblivious of my presences. I was taking
advantage of the situation and staring at him like it's my first time
seeing a diamond.
My heart galloped inside at the reality of my feelings. I thought that
after spending three years without him my feelings for him will go
away or become weaker but I was so wrong.
He still holds the same place in my heart. His near presence make it
impossible for my mind to work around him. Despite everything, he had
done and said to me in the past to hurt me I still feel same.
I might be crazy for loving the man who will never love in return but
this is me.
But you don't have to tell him what you feel about him. My brain said.
Right, I don't have to tell him anything to save myself from getting hurt again.
When he was done removing his coat, muffler and gloves he turned
around. His eyes widened at the sight of me sitting on the floor near
the fireplace.
He walked towards me and asked "Why are you still awake?".
"Because I'm not sleepy". I said.
"Oh". He said looking flustered.
Damn cute! I thought.
Stop right there Hailey! My mind said making me freeze.
"Where did you go?". I asked averting my eyes from his sinfully
beautiful face instead stared at the fire.
"I just went outside to check the car". He replied planting himself beside me.
The peaceful silence fell between us.
"Hailey". He said.
"Hmm". I made a sound of listing him but my gaze was still fixed on
the dance of flames.
"I...want to tell you something. But first you need to promise me you
won't get angry". Chase said sounding nervous.
"Um okay". I said looking at him with uncertainty.
"Do you remember anything about...... that night?". He asked me.
I frowned at his question and looked at him with questioning gaze.
He was looking at me waiting for me to understand his question and
then I noticed the flush on his cheeks.
My eyes widened when I realized what he has asked and I felt my face flushing.
"N... No". I said looking at everything except his face.
"Hailey.... when we came home after the party you were not stable to
walk on your own to your room so I carried you". He said.
My heart started beating like crazy at the mention of me in his arms
but I said nothing letting him continue.
"When I took you to your room you started crying while mumbling that
nobody loves you. Then you asked me to promise you to never leave you
alone. And you confessed that night how much you loved me". He said
running his fingers through his brown hair.
At that moment I wanted to throw myself in the crackling fire so I
wouldn't die here because of embarrassment.
I confessed my love to him!
Was I drunk or something?
Because truly I'm not that confident to confess something unless.....
"I thought I was drunk that night but in the morning I realized that I
wasn't only drunk, I was drugged too. But when Allison told me that
you don't remember anything about that night I realized you were also
drugged". He said.
"That might be the reason behind me not remember anything ". I mumbled.
"Yes...... But that wasn't all. After your confession you decide to
change out of your dress in front of me but your zipper stuck I had to
help you to let the thing move again". He said.
Oh God! I started changing in front of him.
I should just jump in the fire to save myself from further embarrassment.
"You were looking really cute and I just kissed you. One thing leads
to another, and we end up making love on your bed". He said making my
heart pound inside my chest.
"I woke up, remembered what what happened between and I panicked.
After getting dressed I left you without saying anything. I was guilty
and embarrass at myself". He said making me close my eyes for a
moment.
"That's why I ignored you for a month. I didn't know how to apologize
of my shameful actions. I felt like I took advantage of you, robbed
you from the chance of sharing that moment with the man you loved". He
said.
Did I regret spending that night with him?
No, I didn't. Because of that night I've a beautiful son today.
But I regret that it didn't happen because he loved me.
I understand my mistake now. If I wasn't so naive the girls wouldn't
be able to spiked my drink.
That night happened because from inside I was attracted to Chase and
wanted to feel his love. Those drugs or drinks whatever she gave me
just boosted my confidence and made me do things that I would have
never done being sober.
I started changing my dress in front of him clearly explain my lost
state of mind. My antics did nothing to help him restrain his desire
when he was drunk and had no control over his body.
I was a stupid drugged girl with no sense of responsibility and
crazily attracted to him.
"I'm really sorry Hailey.....for ruining your life just because I
couldn't control my damn desire. I was stupid not to think about
protection and end up impregnate you. It's all my fault". He said
making me snap my head in his direction.
I felt tears brimming in my eyes and I asked him "Why would say that?".
"Because I should have stopped and acted like an adult in that
situation rather than letting my desire, alcohol and those drugs
control me". He said clenching his hands.
"Did I ask you to stop that night?". I asked him.
"No....no". He said shaking his head.
"What did I ask you Chase? What did I say or done that night to make
you lose your control?". I asked him.
My voice was suddenly strong and free of any emotions.
I don't remember everything in detail but flashes of that night did
appear in my dreams in last three years, and they didn't look like I
protested for anything. They were filled with so much passion that
sometimes I feel that I could somehow make myself remember them.
Chase was staring at me with his jaw dropped.
"Tell me Chase. I have a right to know". I said making him close his mouth.
"You....you told me to keep kissing". He said staring in my eyes.
He wanted me to tell him to stop but despite feeling my cheeks getting
hot with new wave of blush I kept staring at him with the poker face
and didn't let my gaze waver.
"Tell me more Chase". I said.
"You....you told me everything is magical and....". He stopped again.
"And what Chase?". I snapped at him.
"No-one have ever loved you like this before and you wanted to spend
every night with me making love to you". He said gulping and blinking
his eyes as his breaths we're rugged.
I got up from the floor in complete anger, and he did the same.
"Listen me very careful, Chase. I don't want you think like you took
advantage of me. Do you hear me?. If you want to call it a one night
stand, tumble on bed, one drunken night or anything you want, you can
call it. But don't say you took advantage of me. I was your wife, I
was attracted to you and loved you. I don't know if you were attracted
to me or it was only drugs that made you love me that night. Honestly,
I don't care about anything anymore. We were both not in the right
state of mind and it happened between us. I accepted it as my fate". I
said taking a large breath in.
Before he could say anything I continued my rant " Don't make me hate
yourself by referring that night as some dirty deed. My son is not the
product of some unsavory, you get that Chase. He is the product of one
passionate night between husband and wife. I loved you and we were
both drunk to think about anything. So next time be careful how you
refer that night".
My face was red with anger and I wanted to kill him for a moment.
I turned around to leave but his hand gripped my wrist and turned me
back to face him.
"I'm sorry Hailey. Please forgive for saying stupid things every time
and making you hate me". He begged me looking sad.
"I don't hate you". I mumbled looking down.
"Thanks for not hating me even when I deserve your hate only for
ruining your life". He said looking down in guilt.
"You didn't ruin my life Chase. Stop talking rubbish. You gave me the
cutest son in the world and I love him more than anything. I said
tugging my hand free from his grasp.
He let go my hand and I was ready to leave when his words left me
frozen "That night didn't only happen because I was drunk".
I turned and stared at him.
Chase took the step closer and closer until he was standing breath
away from me. He gazed in my eyes directly and I was completely
frozen, not even breathing.
"That night did not only happen because I was drunk. It happened
because I was attracted to you from the very first day I saw you. I
was attracted to you more than I have ever been attracted to any girl.
That night happened because you looked like a woman instead of a
teenager. I used to see you as a beautiful innocent girl and that is
attracted to me. Your beauty and innocence called me like a siren. But
when the lie about your age was out I stopped myself from coming
closer to you. The four years gap reminded me that you are forbidden
for me". He said running his knuckles on my cheek making me shiver.
"But your shy glances, innocent gestures and sweet smile on your face
when I would do something for you made me weak. I knew that you have
fallen in love with me. Still, I didn't want our relationship to exalt
into something serious when you were not even close to eighteen. I
wanted to keep you the way you were innocent and pure". He said moving
closer and attaching his forehead with mine.
"That's why I had to turn into an asshøle Chase. I had to say hurtful
things to push you away so we won't end up on bed. I had to make sure
you hate me so I'll hate myself for making you feel like this. I was
trying to save you from me and the mess I'll bring on you and see I
did. You become pregnant because of my stupidity". He said.
His confession was too much to digest and I felt like falling if Chase
wouldn't choose that moment to place his arm around my waist and
pulled me closer to his chest.
I found my hand gripping his shirt in my fist from a front.
"I hated you in the start for coming in my life and destroying my
dreams. But when I come to know you and spend the time with you I
realized what I felt for you was love. I was shocked at myself for not
realizing it before but I was sure that it was love". He said
breathlessly.
My body started to tremble and I know he could feel it.
"Then why did you divorce me? Why did you make me and Noah leave? Was
it because of baby?". I asked him and he shook his head.
"I love Noah. How can I not love my own son? In last three years I
missed you both so much. I would sleep thinking about you and Noah and
I would wake up thinking about you and Noah. Everyday was hell for me
without both of you in my life". He said.
"Then why did you make us leave?". I asked him, and he remained silent.
"Before his birth you were fine and looked excited to welcome our son.
You started showing love and care towards me and it gave me hope that
my son would grow up in the loving family". I said.
"Hailey, one day I walked in on Kate and mom talking about you. I
wanted to know about your health so I started eavesdropping and heard
them talking about getting you abortion". He said with grimace on his
face.
A gasped escaped from my mouth and I asked him "What? But I never
asked her to get me abortion".
He answered me hurriedly "I know you never asked her. So I confronted
her and threaten her to leave a house with you if anything happened to
my baby".
After hearing him my body become relaxed.
He started explaining to me further "I thought that she've finally
believed me that the child is mine. But I was wrong". His said looking
sad.
"After Noah was born and you were back home. I got the call from
hospital to collect some reports of the test. I went to the hospital
to collect reports and found out that they were paternity test
reports. The doctor told me that my mother demanded these reports
clamming that I don't believe that the son is mine. After that I came
home went straight to my mother to demand the answers of her nonsense.
She read them and asked me to divorce you and claim full custody of
Noah.
At those words traitorous tears rolled down from my face. I told him
"I.... I never thought she hated me so much".
He looked so broken with his head hung low and guilt visible on his
face when he said "I... I made the most difficult decision that day,
Hailey. I asked you to sign those divorce papers and send you back to
your parents with Noah. I fought with my mother first time that day
because she didn't want you to leave with Noah. I told her that I
don't care about you and Noah. I just want you out both of the house
and continue my life like before because if you both stayed she would
try her best to make your life hell".
He continued when I said nothing "I thought of moving out and taking
you and Noah with me. But I didn't have a money or job to give you and
him a comfortable life. So I thought the best place for you and my son
would be your house. I was sure that you'll stay safe there and live a
comfortable life.
After that I also moved out from my parents house and went Boston to
complete my internship".
I was just absorbing everything he said.
Many questions are still unanswered but at least my heart wasn't
hurting anymore at the thought that he had never loved me.
"Hailey .... please say something". He begged to me.
I asked him"Chase what...what do you want me...me to say?".
He cupped my face and started crying and while mumbling "Oh Hailey I
know. I know I'm responsible for your pain.... and every trouble you
went through in life. If I was strong enough to support you and Noah.
You wouldn't have gone through all this shit. Please forgive me".
"I'm really sorry Hailey". With that said he fell on his knees crying
like a baby.
It was second time in my life seeing Chase Edward breaking down in front of me.
I looked at his face and found so many emotions running but most
prominent emotions were pain and guilt. I have been seeing him, how
happy he looks whenever he play with Noah, the love he have for him
shows purely on his face. The way he knows favorite things about Noah,
sure I have no idea how but it shows clearly he cares.
"Chase why....why didn't you tell me this before? And why didn't you
come to meet us in last three years?". I asked him kneeling down.
"Hailey....when I came to visit you refused to meet me. I thought that
I will not show you my face until you ask me. So when I found out you
called me I took the first flight here". He explained to me still
shaking with tears.
"Oh Chase". I flung myself in his arms hugging him.
"I'm sorry for keeping you away from Noah". I said crying
uncontrollably on his shoulder.
We both stayed in each other arms crying for the loss of our
happiness. Then Chase pulled away making me open my swollen eyes.
"Hailey, I love you. I still love you. And I love Noah". Chase said.
"Chase please it's too early for claiming that you love me. Let me
absorb the things you've told me tonight". I said hugging him again.
Both of our faces were stained with tears and red from crying.
His arms were wrapped around my body pulling me closer, making me sit
on his lap. I tightened my arms around his neck hugging him when his
body started shaking violently.
"Chase. Chase what is happening?". I asked him worried.
"Ha...Hailey...uh...my...uh... medi...cines...uh my...bag". He said
loosening his grip.
I nodded my head and scrambled up from the floor running upstairs to
the room and searching inside for medicine in his back.
When I found the small box with medicines I ran back downstairs and
fetched the water bottle from kitchen on the way to Chase.
He took the medicine box from my hand in his shaking one and searched
for the pills.
Then he took the two white pills and threw them in his mouth. I
offered him the water bottle, and he took it from me, gulping down
hurriedly.
He leaned his head back on the seat of the couch as he was still
sitting on the floor.
After five minutes his breathing turned normal, and he looked so tired
like he ran a marathon. The energy was drained from his face leaving
him pale and weak.
I saw the labels of the medicine and felt my hands trembling. Then I
looked at Chase sleeping from and felt the tears blurring my vision.
Rubbing my eyes I got up and pulled Chase sleeping form on the couch
then pushed him in a laying position.
Opening the drawer in lounge I pulled out the extra blankets and pillows.
I put the pillow under his head and a blanket over him then I sat on the floor.
I ran my fingers through his soft hair. I didn't know that he was
hurting this much inside.
I thought it was only me with the broken heart. But I guess we both
become broken hearts after divorce.
I placed kisses on his forehead, his cheek and jaw.
"I believe you Chase Edward. I believe every single word you told me
tonight. I'm sorry for not understanding you and blaming you for
everything. I'm really sorry for not being a good partner and good
wife for you when you deserve the best. I love you.... I never stopped
lovingly you even when I tried my best. But it was impossible for me".
Hearing his even breathing I felt relax. I put my head on the small
space on the couch near Chase chest and laced my fingers with his.
And just like that I fell asleep holding his hand in mine.
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